Teen discussions

I had to laugh. J and M started arguing, and next thing I heard M say, "I've got a piece of paper that will help you."

"How nice," I thought, "He's kind to her despite her rudeness." and came back to find M on his own, with a school handout on 'Conflict Resolution' in front of him.

"This doesn't work!" he said. "I used it on J and it doesn't work." (Used it for all of 30 seconds).

"Did you want to win, or did you want to resolve the argument?" I asked.

"Well both, of course." (Ok, I see the problem here.....)

I started reading it aloud. "Choose the correct time.....Did you wait till both of you were calm?"

"What's the point of asking her to lower her voice when she's already calm? She'll say I'm an idiot. " (True).

And so the conversation progressed, and J sneaked back to listen despite herself. She also brought up grievances from year 0 to present, so I found, "Leave the past in the past and focus on the current issues."

Then they both turned on ME - "If you are such an expert on conflict management, how come we are so useless?" Hm, good point.

But they were laughing despite themselves. If I did nothing else, I reflected their silliness for them to see. I maintain that siblings simply have to fight. If the problem is solved, they must invent another one so as to get the conflict practice.